Title: Review - singles
Source: Smash Hits
REVIEWED BY HOLLY JOHNSON
SINGLE OF THE FORTNIGHT
CHAKA KHAN: Iím Every Woman (WEA)
I like this already! (i.e. after about the first note) Throw it down Chaka!!! (Cheers up noticeably and starts to swizz about the floor on the wheely chair heís sitting on and make various funky noises of approval.) Heurgh! Get down! Oh no itís got that piano!! (i.e. the horrible ďhouseĒ music-type piano that Holly has taken umbrage to lately) EmÖ absolutely brilliant! ďClimb Every WomanĒ Ė classic! Oh! I mean ďIím Every WomanĒ! When I used to dance to this in discoís in the Ď70s I used to sing ďClimb Every WomanĒ Ďcause I thought that was what the words were but then I found out that it wasnít! We love it. Itís one of those remix jobbies but rather better than usual except that thereís dreadful drum fills Ė you know drums that go ttt ttt ttt ttt ttt towards the middle that arenít necessary.
DIANA ROSS: Working Overtime (EMI)
Ooh, come on, put Diana Ross on. I really like herÖ (listens to said disc and looks mightily disconcerted)Ö Oh. Well, this is Diana Ross doing a Five Star B-side. Itís a shame really because sheís done so many fabulous things in the past but now sheís decided to join in with current trends. Itís important that she does modern things but modern things that are more interesting than this. I means this could be anyone. It doesnít sound like Diana Ross it just sounds like mundane radio drivel.
DEON ESTUS: Heaven Help Me (Polydor)
Oh, this is George Michael isnít it. Deon Estus is his bass player and I think heís very important to Georgeís sound. This is written with George and he sings it too. I like George. Me and Wolfgang (i.e Hollyís manager) went to dinner with him and Elton John the other week. But this isnít the best song that George Michael has ever collaborated on. The production is typically lush. Pity Deon doesnít sing more on it. Have I heard his voice? No. Iíve never heard him sing but Iíve seen him do his grocery shopping. He lives round the corner from me. I donít knowÖ maybe itíll be a hit on the strength of Georgeís involvement. I think itís a very mellow kind of thing. Itís the slowie at the end of the evening. It could be a hit but I donít know. Itís not one of those records I go ape over.
KYLIE MINOGUE: Hand On My Heart (PWL)
Oh no! Iím certainly not reviewing that. Iíve got to?! (looks completely flabbergasted!) Itís just that I donít think thereís anything I could say about it - really. (Hoity toity eh viewers? Still ďfairĒ ďenoughĒ. But just in case Kylieís billions of fans are wondering: This is another of those chirpy PWL tunes that seem to be picked out for Kylie. Itís got tons of happy sounding twiddly bits on it and all the usual ďhall marksĒ of a Stock, Aitken & Waterman tune and will therefore be a huge hit and quite rightly so!)
CHERELLE: Affair (Tabu)
Em. Sheís got a really fab voice but, em, this is a rather average Jam and Lewis track (the so-called producers of the record). They were members of Princeís band and he sacked them because they were late for a plane one day. But they do fabulous records with Janet Jackson for example. Anyway, this isnít one of their best, but, you know, I like this kind of music when thereís a good song there like ďWhat Have You Done For Me LatelyĒ (by Janet Jackson) and ďFakeĒ and ďCriticiseĒ (by Alexander OíNeal). This isnít a great song.
CHER AND PETE CETERA: After All (WEA)
I donít want to review that. No. I donít even want to hear it.
EDIE BRICKELL AND THE NEW BOHEMIANS: Circle (Geffen)
Iíve just bought the Edie Brickell album and itís very mellow. This one isnít as strong as ďWhat I AmĒ, her last one, but quite pleasant. The ďsentimentsĒ (i.e. itís all about how itís better not to have a boyfriend because no one can chuck you then) are quite sweet though.
CYNDI LAUPER: I Drove All Night (Epic)
MmmmÖ Cyndi LauperÖ nice hairdo - sometimes. But this record is heinous. (Gets up and switches it off after about three seconds!) Itís got quite an interesting intro but then it goes into a very ordinary American rock formula. I think sheís done some fabulous things in the past. ďGirls Just Wanna Have FunĒ I thought was wonderful, and ďTime After TimeĒ. But this is just blandness I think. What a shameÖ maybe I should listen to more of it. I donít like that sort of Adult Orientated Rock anyway but a lot of people buy it. I donít know who. Iíve never met anyone like that. Sorry Cyndi but we (just in case anyone is a bit confused, Holly tends to refer to himself as ďweĒ for reasons best known to himself) donít like it.
BON JOVI: Iíll Be There For You (Phonogram)
I donít really want to review Bon Jovi to be honest. (After approximately ten seconds) Go on, get it off. Hm. This is not one of Bon Joviís finer moments. They specialise in those heavy metal epic anthems that this is not. Boooriiiing!
TEXAS: Thrill Has Gone (Polygram)
Oh no. Iím not reviewing that. Take it off.
THE FUNKY WORM: You + Me = Love (WEA)
Better than average rehash of Ď70s disco which is happening a lot at the moment. I canít stand it! I hear it too often on the radio at the moment and itís annoying in the extreme. It has got a chorus and I do like things to have that. Em, canít think of anything else to say about this really. I mean thereís a lot of it about lately huu huu!! (??) which is a shame but at least this is better than most of Ďem Iíve heard. But I hate that piano on it. Itís that Ď70s disco piano and I canít stand it. Itís on everything at the moment and it reminds me of a particular type of Ď70s disco that wasnít my favourite. We like the name of the band though, a lot, as weíre all funky worms here. (?!)
THE CURE: Lullaby (Fiction)
Ah, everyone here loves the instrumentation but it doesnít seem to have much of a song hidden beneath that. Itís very atmospheric. I love the violins and the arrangement of it but in todayís world there isnít much room for it on a chart level. Itís not one of those fabulous Cure songs. Itís a nice vibe more than anything else. It reminds me of Mantovani (writer of romantic orchestral tunes for grannies). I would have expected The Cure to have come back with a much stronger song and thatís quite surprising. But no, good luck Robert.
PAULA ABDUL: Knocked Out (Siren)
Yes, well, this doesnít knock me out at all. Itís not as good as the one sheís got out currently. I canít wait to see that fab choreography in the video. Iíll give it five. Thatís all Iím saying. No. Thatís all Iím saying. Canít I say something else? Well ďI give it fiveĒ says it all really doesnít it?! Heeheh! Sorry Paula. Iíd love you to teach me a few steps hahaha! But I donít like your record much.
THE PRETENDERS: Windows Of Tile World (Polydor)
No. I donít want to review this one. Definitely not. Oh, go on then. Hm. Is this an old song? (Indeed it is. Itís from the soundtrack of a film called 1969 and was written by two old cronies called Bacharach and David.) Sounds as though theyíve done a cover version of it. I like her voice (i.e. The Pretenders singing person, Chrissie Hynde). But this is a miss - not a patch on Chaka Khan which is definitely single of the fortnight. Iíve got to go now!
Also not reviewed by Holly this fornight!
Morrissey Interesting Drug * Stevie Nicks Rooms On Fire * Carl Marsh Here Comes The Crush * Hue And Cry Violently * John Moore & Expressway Something About You Girl * Tom Petty Black Sorrows * Tom Jones Move Close * Dare The Raindance * Pop Will Eat Itself Wise Up * Black Sabbath Headless Cross * Rob Base and DJ E-Z Rock Joy And Pain/Check This Out * The Monkees Last Train To Clarkesville * Mike And The Mechanics Nobody Knows * Stefan Dennis Donít It Make You Feel Good * Living In A Box Gatecrashing *