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The world according to Max

He’s suave! He’s elusive! He’s TV’s most closely-guarded secret! He’s Max Headroom and he reveals his life philosophy (and his legs) over lunch with Maureen Rice…

MONEY

What are your feelings about money?

Money is irrelevant. You see, money is about style. In other words, it’s not how much you have, but what you carry it around in that’s important. For example, let’s take a man’s leather wrist-bag. Now, that says a lot about a man. It says he’s successful he has enough money to afford leather. It says he cares about his appearance, and of course, above everything else, it says that he’s a complete nerd.

Are you rich?

Well, my producer says that some of the things I come up with on my show are pretty rich, but that’s as far as it goes…

LOVE AND ROMANCE

Everyone’s curious about your love life. Are you going out with anyone at the moment?

This is a very sensitive subject for me because I’ve recently come to the end of a close personal relationship with a lovely girl called Anita. We never thought that being physical was an important part of our relationship — in fact, we never even met. But I loved her voice — she had a job as a speaking clock and I knew she was always there when I needed her. God — it’s painful for me remembering like this… I know now that it’s really over, because whenever I call her number I get some guy answering the phone, so that’s that…

MUSIC

You play a wide selection of videos on your show, but what kind of music do you like yourself?

Well, as you probably know I’m a great classical music fan. When I watch television, which I do from time to time, I’m always most taken with those commercials that play a better class of music. Like the deodorant tune, for instance, or the advert for pure new wool. I’m very fond of pure new wool. I always buy the products which have the best music in their commercials my cupboards are full of aftershave and Hovis bread.

Isn’t it a bit difficult for a classical music buff like yourself hosting a pop video show?

It is a problem, it really is. But as you go through life, you’ll find that we all have to do things sometimes that we don’t really want to do. Some you look back on and regret, others can be valuable experiences, believe me. But yet, give me classical music every time. I’d rather listen to Mozart than any pop record. Have you seen his new video, Amadeus? It’s gutsy, Maureen, really stunning.

(cont.)
Of course, it’s very long, so it won’t get much TV airplay, but he’s enough of an artist not to mind. And I admire that in a man, I really do. And I won’t be hosting this show for the rest of my life, you can be damn sure of that.

Have you ever felt any desire to make a record yourself?

Well, I think I can say in all honesty that I am a bit of a record already. In the very short time I’ve been in the business as your readers will be aware — I have become so popular that I’m actually a record in my own right. I don’t need to chase things: there’s too much chasing in this crazy business of ours. Too many people running around trying to do things that they aren’t really capable of. They have no humility, these people.

HEALTH AND BEAUTY

Do you think the world has become too obsessed with health and beauty?

Well, I always say that if you’re healthy, you usually feel beautiful. But if you’re not beautiful, it doesn’t mean you feel unhealthy. Even if you do look healthy you still might not feel beautiful. And you can be unhealthy and still look beautiful, of course. I explained all this to my producer the other day, but I don’t think it will affect him much.

Why not?

He didn’t understand what I was talking about.

What about your own health and beauty regime?

People are always saying to me, Max — how do you do it, how do you stay in such good shape? Well, it’s simple. I’m like Jane Fonda in that I stick to one basic principle: you are what you read. For instance, anyone who reads Smash Hits is unlikely to ever be overweight. Need I say more?

Do you work out?

Certainly. First thing every morning I work out exactly what I’ve got to do for the rest of the day.

Could you let us in on the secret of your flawless complexion?

Yoghurt, Maureen, yoghurt. A yoghurt face pack last thing at night works wonders. And watch what type of hamburgers you eat. A little added yoghurt with that cheeseburger could make all the difference…

POLITICS

Are you a person with strong political views?

Yes I am, unlike most politicians. And as far as my vote goes I think that Wham! should be running this fine country of ours. They clearly have a terrific sense of foreign policy and diplomacy — they’ve travelled widely, they’re nice boys, and they already have more money than the Treasury, so we’d all be better off.

SHOPPING

Do you enjoy shopping?

What sort of things do you buy? To be perfectly honest, I’m not the kind of man who likes to shop. I get asked to open so many shops — you know how it is, my time’s just not my own any more — that when I do get a few moments to relax I like to keep away from them. And I’ll let you in on a little secret, Maureen, because I know it won’t go any further. I’m terrified of pickpockets. The streets aren’t safe for decent people to walk, God knows. For that reason I carry all my money in a special pouch — I love pouches — on a cord hanging round my neck and down my back. That way, I foil the damn pickpockets, and even if I feel like spending some money, I can’t! However, I do happen to need a hat at the moment. A friend suggested I go to Dunns, but I don’t think I need to tell you that that’s really not my style. No, I think I’ll go to British Home Stores or the Army And Navy. I like the sttles there

TV PRESENTERS

What do you think of your rivals on television?

Well, we both know that there’s a lot of jealousy in this business. You see, in a short time — and I say this with the greatest humility — but in a short time I have become mega-popular, and there are some people who don’t like that one bit.

(cont.)
But I’m good at what I do, and I think people are attracted by my modesty — let’s face it, it’s refreshing to find a modest genius these days. But of course, the other presenters resent all the offers I get. Only the other day someone called me up to invite me to lunch at Number 10. I’d have gone too, but the fool put the phone down without telling me what road it was in! I don’t want to be unkind — it’s not in my nature — but frankly, most other presenters are pretty awful, aren’t they?

Do you think TV presenters are too kind to their guests?

Oh, I can see you’ve been watching my interview with Sting! Yes, I showed him who was boss, didn’t I? You see, TV presenters are future world leaders, and so have enormous power and responsibility. They mustn’t creep and crawl just to get them back on their shows one more time! Oh no. Now, old Sting and me go back a long way, but I saw that as no reason to give him an easy time. I’m sorry to say that most TV presenters are pretty creepy in that respect.

HOLIDAY HINTS

It’s that time of year again when most people’s thoughts are turning beachward. What advice would you give for a stylish, carefree summer holiday?

If you’re male, you must wear baggy shorts and flip-flops. There is nothing else you can wear on the beach and still look stylish. For girls, the rules are a little looser, but you must never use coconut suntan oil. It’s a real turn-off for the guys, girls.

What do you think of topless sunbathing?

Well, I’ve done it for years…

FASHION

Are you interested in fashion? Where do you buy your own clothes from?

Fashion is not a question of what you buy, but where you shop. Do you understand me? Now, those mail order catalogues are the best place for keeping one step ahead. Unfortunately, I do tend to get side-tracked by the wonderful gardening sections…

Are you a keen gardener then?

Oh, certainly. I’d be even keener if I had a garden, but I’ve got my shed, and that’s just chock full of barbeque sets, sun shades and deck-chairs. And I’ve got my favourite pot plants. Of course, for style that transcends mere fashion, you have only to look to golf. I love the colours, I love the v-necks and the flared trousers. Golf is fashion to me…

5 MOST WONDERFUL PEOPLE I KNOW…

I wish I could say that I knew five people.

5 PEOPLE I’D MOST LIKE TO NAVE MY PICTURE TAKEN WITH:

  • Paul Young because he’s tall and manly, and that’s so rare these days. I hope he has lots of heirs the pop world needs them.
  • Nik Kershaw and Jon Moss because it’s so stylish not to spell your name properly.
  • All of Duran Duran because they’re quite unique in that their eyes don’t go red when they have their picture taken with a flash.
  • Madonna because the reputation that girl’s given herself is a crying shame. She comes from a good, decent family and she’s just got in with a bad crowd. I think having her picture taken with me would help get her reputation back. I’d like to do that for the family’s sake.

5 FAVOURITE HAIRCUTS:

  • Nick Faldo
  • Sevvy Balesteros
  • Billy Graham (he styled himself on me, actually)
  • Jimmy Somerville
  • Howard Jones

5 PEOPLE I’D MOST LIKE TO PLAY GOLF WITH:

  • Boy George because I know he’d have the time.
  • Michael Heseltine because he’s got the same initials as me.
  • (cont.) Though he would have to get rid of that flak jacket or I might tee-off from his shoulders.
  • Margaret Thatcher because she’s almost got the same initials as me.
  • All of ultravox because they’re such brilliant golfers.
  • Anna Raeburn a quiet round with me would sort out all that poor woman’s problems.