ZANG TUMMM TUMB ARTICLES “the first draft of history”

MOTHER SNOGGING ‘KING OF SEXROCK SINGLE OF THE FREAKIN MILL-BASTARD-ENNIUM, HOMEBOY!

HOLLY JOHNSON
Legendary Children (All Of Them Queer)
(Club Tool)

Good golly Miss Holly divvy disco divas through a long, hard, throbbing list of extremely famous REAL MEN who just happened or happen to be samesexers (COINCIDENCE?!). This is fabulously arch record will no doubt encourage thousands of healthy, normal young British chaps to dress smartly and hang around gymnasiums. My God! The possibilities! Perhaps rampant homosexuality is the only thing that will save us from the seemingly unstoppable spread of Crusty.

TEEN: Mum, er, theres something you ought to know…

MUM: Yes, Clive?

TEEN: I, um, think Im gay…

MUM: Never mind dear, sos your father.

TEEN:…and a crusty…

MUM: YOU STINKING FILTHY DEGENERATE ROTTON PERVERTED SCUM! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE AND NEVER DARKEN MY DOORSTEP AGAIN!

Will Holly follow up with a record featuring a list of famous lesbians? What about famous “heterosexuals”?! Are there any?! Will anybody on this record sue?! And will they play it on Radio 1 IN THE DAYTIME? Its all rather exciting!