Peter Gill: Get it together! See, I can’t get it together now, so I suggest you do the same. Cheers.
Stephen Lipson: Hey, start once more.
PG: ALRIGHT STEVE! I would like to give all you punters a lovely Christmas message, but I am too bladdered to get it together, so I ’gest, I SUGGEST, see I told you I couldn’t get it together, I suggest you do the same. Cheers, happy Christmas.
Control room: Oh hell, that was shite (laughs)
PG: Well go and pull your fucking pud then plank. I’m saying fuck all.
Paul Rutherford: It look’s like he’s on a quiz show (laughs). That’s the man, yeah, he’s in the box. Your starter for 10 Ped. Your starter for 10 Ped.
PG: (sighs) Shall I go on or what?
SL: Yeah.
PG: Yeah?
SL: Yeah
PG: Eh. (laughs) Here my Christmas message to all you Christmasey people. Hope you get lots of toys and eat lots of Christmas pud and Christmas turkey.
Control room: Oh that was shit.
PG: I know. What do you want me to say? HOPE YOU CHOKE ON THE TANNER IN THE PUDDIN’
Holly Johnson: Ok, I’ll sing a bit then say something ’ey. Brian Nash: Are we going ’ere Bob? Are we going? BN: That was mine, that’s all you’re getting. Others: Ahhhh ahhhhh ah. PR: erm, someone come in and give me some inspiration Notes: Certain words are censored in different ways on different releases.
Control room: Yeah Johnson, sing it like, yeah.
HJ: Yeah. This is the spirit of Christmas to come.
Bob Kraushaar: That’s great, just don’t shout.
BN: Okay. And so this is Christmas and I hope you have fun, but I know you won’t ’cos you’ll all be too full of Christmas spirit that you’ll be puking everywhere, and the only way you’ll have fun is to listen to the other side of this record and get even more sicker.
HJ: Oooh the power of love. oooh
Mark O’Toole: Go ’ed Nasher lad.
BN: The power of my right hand.
HJ: Oooh have we got the power oooh at Christmas.
BN: Can you feel the force.
MO: Why’s everyone looking at us through that window?
HJ: Because we’re ace. (laughs) Didn’t you know, we’re Frankie Goes To Hollywood.
MO: Oh I know we’re ace like, but…
MO: Dead festive that weren’t it.
HJ: Dead festive. Oh, go on, you think of something festive to then.
MO: I can’t think of anything. I mean, what would you say if yo had to stand in front of here and think of a Chrismas message? You wouldn’t be able to think of anything would you.
BN: I hope you all have, I hope you have all have a wonderful Christmas, will that do or do you want more bullshit?
HJ: I got a T-Rex fan club letter, fan club record at Christmas once and he sang Christmas songs.
MO: Did he?
HJ: Christ…
MO: (laughs) Christ…
HJ: Christmas, wella wella wella wella Christmas. You know like that.
MO: Like that?
HJ: What could we sing though, nicely?
BN: Yeah. (laughs) Can we sing anything nicely?
HJ: If you’re naughty you get ashes in your stocking.
MO: (laughs)
HJ: Ped, gonna speak a poem now.
MO: Ped, come ’ed. Ped’s gonna recite one of his poems. Wait for Ped, Nash. Come in here so we can give Gilly stick. Er jack the lad is just arriving on the er christmas scene here.
PG: Have you seen this, have you been fucking about? Does anyone wanna wanna recite this poem?
MO: Let’s see. Go ’ed. This is a poem written, arranged, produced by P. Gill, narrated by P. Gill. Go ’ed Gilly.
PG: Christmas is here once again… Shit! I’ll try it again.
Others: (laughs)
PG: Christmas is here once again so let’s all have some fun, don’t forget ten pants… ah shit!
Others: (laughs) Ahhhh ahhhhh ah.
PG: and again. Christmas is here once again so let’s all have some fun, don’t forget ten pints tonite and don’t forget to come, to the lad’s party of course.
Others: of course (laughs)
PG: of course
Others: Ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ahh ah ahhh ah
HJ: Thank you Peter for your Christmas cheer.
PG: I’ll think I’ll go and eat some turkey and pudding as it’s Christmas.
BN: Come and do it again (laughs)
HJ: One, two, three, four
All: Christmas is here once again so let’s all have some fun, don’t forget ten pints tonite and don’t forget to come to the lad’s party of course
PG: Let’s go pull some crackers lads, it’s Christmas.
MO: Yeah come ’ed lads
BN: Fuck the crackers, I’m pulling me pud.
BN: Bob what are those robots called? Omnibot.
PR: Omnibot. (laughs)
BN: I want an omnibot for Christmas if anybody’s listening. (laughs)
PR: I wanna Porshe for Christmas if anyone, no I don’t, I wanna a convertible XJS if anyone’s listening, if, if you’re real fan Frankie fans you’ll buy us all XJSs for Christmas
BN: no you’ll buy me a real ’65 Corvette Stingray
PG: If you’re a real Frankie fan buy me Action Man and a tricycle and a Chopper and a Racer and a radio and a cassette, ’cos I’m greedy.
BN: ’65 Corvette Stingray I want or an Omnibot
PR: Merry Christmas Frankie fans, and we all want an XJS’s for Christmas okay.
PG: …and an Action Man
PR: (laughs) and Ped want an Action Man
PG: and a dolls house and a paddling pool
BN: You girl! You poof!
PR: Bah humbug!
PG: and a paddling pool, and a remote control carFucks are beeped out on vinyl releases and shits are additionally reversed out on cassette versions. CD and digital versions follow their source.