ZANG TUMMM TUMB ARTICLES “the first draft of history”

The wild bunch

The Wild Bunch or what are two nice boys like this doing in a magazine like Mizz?

Behind Hollys flashy showmanship and Paul Rutherfords designer labels lurk the rest of Frankie Goes To Hollywood — Peter ‘Ped Gill, Mark OToole and Brian ‘Nasher Nash. Known collectively as ‘The Lads, theyve gained themselves quite a reputation for being loud, lewd and — ahem — a bit partial to liquid lunches. We spoke to Ped and Hasher and found out that every word is true.

Ped and Nasher arent looking forward to this interview. Theyre in the middle of a mammoth world tour and theyve worn out and “well pissed off”. They dont want to do the TV appearance theyre booked for tonight, and they dont want to spend any more of their time sitting around in their hotel room. In fact, they dont much want to do anything. On this hopeful note, we leave for the restaurant for a chat…

MR: Youre about to spend a year out of the country, arent you? Is that for tax reasons?

PG: Well be working for most of it. Mostly bloody touring, then recording the album, then probably a load more touring…

BN: All right, it does save us loads of money spending a year out of the country, but I hate people calling us tax exiles. It makes us sound dead greedy…

MR: What will you miss most while youre away?

PG and BN: British ale.

MR: And what will you miss in the least?

PG: The British Press.

BN: Yeah, bloody journalists. Theyre only interested in making us look like a load of drunken ******. The *******. I hate ‘em. Theyre friendly to your face and stitch you up in print.

PG: Remember that girl who came and interviewed us one time, Nash? We was having a laugh with her and going, “Go on girl, get your kit off, show us your tits” and she got well narked. We were sexist *******s straightaway. She just didnt understand our sense of humour.

BN: Yeah. Like we had this journalist with us on tour and he made me look like a real drunken animal. I was drunk, I admit it, but I wasnt out of me head like he said I was. Id only had a bottle of Scotch…

MR: When people talked about FGTH, it always used to be Holly and Paul were the arty ones, and you and Mark OToole were dead normal. Lately, Mark seems to have got more into fashion than you two…

PG: Noticed that, have you? Old Johnny Spotlight…

BN: Anyway, Paul and Holly arent that arty, either.

All five of us are dead normal — they just put on a front, thats all. What do people say about Mark now? Do they think hes a bit of a ******?

MR: No — theyve just noticed that hes started dressing a lot more like Paul Rutherford.

PG: Oh, he does that. If Paul comes in and says hes just seen a pair of shoes for £200 and theyre really nice, Markll say, “Ooh, get us a pair,” without even seeing them.

BN: We have more arguments about how much you should pay for a suit than about anything else. Paul will pay £1,700 for a Japanese suit hell wear for a month until it goes out of fashion.

PG: Yeah, or £2,000 for a leather jacket. Its ******* ridiculous!

MR: How much would you pay for a suit then?

BN: I havent got a ********* suit!

PG: What else do people say about us?

MR: Urm — well, they say that Ped is really the leader of the gang, and that he can seem aggressive but really hes very shy…

PG: Oh ****** off! Who said that? Have you been talking to my bird about me? She always says Im shy. When we meet people in the street, shell go, “Why didnt you speak to them?” Im just not into all that, “Hello, how are you, ooh, Ive got the same pants on as you” lark. All that makes me puke.

MR: What about Mark OToole, whats the best and worst things about him?

PG: Well, hes a right Johnny-come-lately with all that poncey gear on him.

BN: And hes a real lazy bastard as well. You can actually rely on Mark to be unreliable. Hes just bought himself a watch — its like buying a pair of socks when youve got no feet.

PG: He likes the girls. Hes supposed to be a pin-up, isnt he? If he was here now, hed probably be getting you going with his charm. Hed probably say, “Love your earrings, but youre a right old dog”.

BN: Hes a good laugh when hes pissed though. He has me wetting myself when he gets going.

PG: Pauls a nice bloke — dead mildmannered. You cant get him going about anything. Hes the original SDP member, though, sits on the fence about everything…

BN: And hes right touchy, too. With Holly, you can wind him up, calling him a ****** pouf and a pervert and he just laughs. Say that to Paul and he goes all huffy, “Oh, go on Nash, get personal”.

PG: Holly doesnt give a ***** about anything like that. And hes the best showman in the business.

MR: If you could make three wishes each, what would you wish for?

BN: Can I have four wishes?

MR: No, you cant.

BN: All right. I wish for a fourth number one single with ‘Welcome To The Pleasure Dome, so wed get into the history books as the only group to have four number ones with their first four singles. Then I suppose Id better have good health all my life. Then I wish for a baby boy because otherwise Ill be the last one in my blood line.

PG: You dont half talk a load of shit, Nasher.

MR: What about you, Ped. What would you wish for?

PG: Er — a platinum American Express Card for a start. Then Id I have a Lamborghini, or any other fast I car to get me out of here so I wouldnt have to do any more ******* interviews And last Id wish to still feel sane at the end of this ***** tour.

MR: You sound so fed up touring… Do you ever wake up in the morning and wish youd never heard of Frankie Goes To Hollywood?

PG and BN: Yes.

MR: I noticed lots of young girls hanging around outside your hotel. Do you get a lot of groupies?

PG: Yeah, loads.

BN: They write us dirty letters, the filthy little moos. I got one from this girl and it was disgusting.

It was in the early days, so I rang her up and said, “Hello, this is Nasher, what exactly is it youd like to do to me?” and she went to pieces! Thats the way to deal with them.

MR: Which women do you think are attractive?

BN: I like Kate Bush — I wouldnt push her out of bed if she had cold feet.

PG: And Kim Wilde, and Jamie Lee Curtis…

BN: And Nastassia Kinski and that Jennifer Beales out of Flashdance.

MR: What are your hopes and fears for the future?

PG: Well — whos getting the round in, for a start…