ZANG TUMMM TUMB ARTICLES “the first draft of history”



I am sick of reading articles on Nick Heyward. He even makes Marilyn sound good.

Does anyone still listen to the buck-toothed wimp? He hasnt had a successful hit this century.

Please, no more.

A devoted Bono fan, Ayrshire.

Aaawww, but Nicks so cute!

Ooh, yes I did see The Bay City Rollers on TV the other day. Where the hell has Leslie McKeown been hiding these past few years? John Taylor, George Michael, etc., eat your hearts out.

Can we see more of Les and the boys soon? If David Cassidy can make a comeback Les should have no problem. He can shang-a-lang with me anytime!

L.M.s tartan scarf, Leeds.

Alvin Stardust, Gary Glitter, Sweet, David Essex, David Cassidy, King, Bay City Rollers — theyll be dragging Barry Blue out of retirement next. God save us.

I have a very serious allegation to make concerning the first item in the Whispers column in issue 92!

Firstly, although I wont dispute that the Frankie audience were rabid, it wasnt composed solely of Dubliners. Many people travelled from the far corners of Ireland for the concert of the year.

Secondly, back to the books No.1! Your Irish is appalling. Frankie Goes To Hollywood translates into Irish as “Teann Prionsias Go Hollywood”, not the weird international re-mix you concocted.

Well, Slan agus beanacht and cumhachtan ghra (the power of love).

From the person who was first in the queue for Frankie and who is proud to be amazing and Irish, Sue Moran, Palmerstown, Dublin.

OK, so it was a remix but it was a good try. A minor cock-up. Good job for us they arent playing Wales this tour. Slan go foil.

I went to see Wham in Ingliston recently. Whilst standing outside waiting to get in people were subjected to the so-called official merchandise on sale outside the arena.

Black and white photocopied pictures of the band were all the bootleggers had and they were selling for £5. T-shirts were £7 and Wham was a transfer on the back!

There were numerous other rip-offs. The younger children had already spent their hard-won cash and were in tears when they got inside and saw the official merchandise.

A warning. If you are buying merchandise wait until you get inside the venue.

Gordon Deas, Kirkcaldy, Fife, Scotland.

Sound advice.

As I intend to marry Josie from Vicious Pink I think it only fair that you let me have a small pre-marriage glimpse of this beautiful creature.

I love her legs. Hoping she says ‘I do.

Mike (marry me) Pearson.

Dont forget to send use piece of the wedding cake.


Im writin te tell ye aboot the maest fantastic bunch olads ever tae hit the Glasgae Apollo.

Who um a talkin aboot? Frankie Gies Ta Hollywaed, thats who! It wis the greatest gig Ive er been tae. A couple omonths agae I saw Wham an Frankie cauld ootplay them anydae!

Hollys voice is faaab and Mark n Nash n Paul jump aboot as if theyve got dynamite up their troosers!

Ta fur a great night, boys.

If ye dinna print this Ill gie ye a Glasgae kiss, jimmy.

Marks broken Sade album, Balloch, Spam Valley.

Yer litter has in, err stitches n hoots, mon.

I am disgusted at the lack of airplay ‘Starvation has received. Its already gone down the charts. You would think that a song for the same good cause as ‘Do They Know Its Christmas would at least be played.

When they did play it, they used five seconds of the video. Go out and buy it now and help save somebodys life.

You know its worth it.

Madness fan, Hornsey, London.

Odd, isnt it? Of course the American record is getting plenty of airplay. Too much, considering that British sales wont benefit the charity as much as they ought.

What have Paul Rutherford and Postman Pat got in common?

Theyve both got big packets.

Pauls earring that goes through his nipple at a specific angle so as not to catch on his friends long blonde hair.

Big pay packets, you mean?

Dear Sire,

I think Madonna is very good. Shes got lots of talent. I bought her video and found it well worth the money. Shes good looking and shell go far as a singer or an actress.

Andrew Smith, Lincoln.

Ever thought of taking up crystal ball glazing?

Has anyone noticed that bits of ‘Head Over Heels (a track from Tears For Fears new album) sound exactly like the theme from the brilliant East Enders?

Mark OTooles Jack Daniels, ooh!

Only watch Brookie.


This weeks random readers chart and winner of a £5 record token.

  1. SHOUT Tears For Fears
  2. MATERIAL GIRL Madonna
  3. MR. TELEPHONE MAN New Edition
  4. WIDE BOY Ntk Kershaw
  5. STARVATION Starvation

Rachel Jenkins. Hyson Green, Nottingham.