ZANG TUMMM TUMB ARTICLES “the first draft of history”

Those incorrigible rogues the Frankie pranksters have been up to their old tricks again. Theyve been encoring in America by coming on wearing totally daffy wigs. Hollys is a George Clinton style long, straight blond piece. Paul and Mark sport dashing black Motley Crue syrups. Nasher opts for the ever popular Twisted Sister Dee Snider curly perm — all the rage on the Riviera this summer — while Honest Ped sticks to his fave, an absurd outsized ten gallon hat, a titfer so grandiose that the wee skinsman can barely perch on his stool.

In El Lay recently, the Frankies preferred pastime, throwing unsuspecting victims into the pool, continued. They missed chucking support act Belouis Some in at the deep end but Neville managed to persuade them to lob his Personal Representative, Ms Suzette Rome, 23, into nine feet of water.

That was nothing, we hear, compared with what happened in Philadelphia, city of Brotherly Love, when FGTH arrived. Youll have heard that Mark OToole collapsed during the encore. You didnt know why, until Whispers told you it wasnt caused by exhaustion or illness but because the Lads had been drinking all day and all night before the show.

During the encore the group noticed Mark being carried onstage by his hefty personal minder, Letitia Hargreaves. He played lying on the floor, took off five minutes after the “gig” and then resumed frantic bevvying. Away the Lads!

As for Montreux, Whispers was shocked to receive a copy of the bill Frankie and Duran ran up for “carpet cleaning services, removal of unsightly stains, disinfecting and sterilisation”. The Hotel Gnome billed the miscreants for £500 after a “session too many” ended in mutual depositing of carpet quiches. Yuk.

That particular evening ended with Ped escorting the Nash to the toilet and then laffing himself stupid while the unfortunate Brian said goodbye to the contents of his stomach and held conference on the big white telephone (he was sick)…