ZANG TUMMM TUMB ARTICLES “the first draft of history”

One to 1

Uh, scuse me. Am I in the right place? Oh good! I live in America so some of these questions are going to sound ridiculous, but bear with me, OK?

First, what is a record token? I swear Ive never heard of any such thing. Could you send me one so I can see what they look like?

Also, could someone tell Frankie to come to Winston-Salem, North Carolina to play. I mean, if you play eight dates and call it a US tour, its not. Theyve got a lot of fans round here, more than they probably know.

Lindsay Jones, North Carolina, USA.

Theyve got a lot of fans round here, too, so just wait in line, girl!

Dear Frankie, what do you think youre playing at? Im talking about the ‘Pleasuredome souvenirs — to even get the order form you have to buy the album (good marketing, Paul Morley) and Im sorry Frankie but its not on.

Do you really think the teenagers who go you to No.1 can afford the kind of prices you are charging?

An angry FGTH fan (Becki).

Its high time that someone publicly stated that Holly Johnson is not sexy, nor in any way desirable.

He is, in fact, the most revoltingly ugly little twerp in the pop world at present (with Howard Jones coming a close second). I personally wouldnt touch him with a bargepole.

Lets hear more about good looking blokes like Suggs from Madness. Now hes a real man.

A Madness fan.

OK, the Campaign for Real Men starts here. Nominations from the office so far include Sting, Martin Kemp, Paul Young, Paul Rutherford, All Campbell, Bono… What do you reckon? (And Its not as easy as it sounds!)

Whats the difference between Frankie and a crossword puzzle?

Frankie havent got a single clue.

Stuart Hastee, Kirkbrae.

Heres a poem to Holly Johnson as hes my No.1.

Only Images

Always in my room

The image of your face

I know Ill never see you

But youll always remain my ace

Id follow you to the pleasuredome

If you asked me Id relax

And if two tribes came between us

Id sock ‘em with an axe

Fame may always part us

But not from over my wall

My friends think I am crazy

But I dont care at all

Youre my No.1, Holly

And I let everybody know

Maybe you are gay

But I still love you so

Justine, Frankie fanatic, Portsmouth.

Just thought Id let you in on my little secret. Ive just had a pretty well tubular idea for making oodles of money.

Im going to ring up nice Michael Jackson and ask if hed mind me re-mixing ‘Thriller, then Im going to have a chat with Trevor Horn and send him tapes of aforementioned LP.

Id rope in Boy George for backing vocals and get Holly Johnson to do the odd gutsy ‘Yeah.

The Edge has promised to add some guitar work and if I package the whole thing to include an exclusive poster of Duran and pictures of Wham and Spandau Ballet holding cheque books on the front then everyone except Paul Weller and Billy Bragg will buy it.

Im going to call it ‘Thriller (Money-Making-Mix).

Bhawna Nandha.

Wouldnt it be simpler just to auction off Michael Jacksons home phone number?

What I cant understand is why Frankie Goes To Hollywood is such a big thing in the UK.

What do all those stupid signs or symbols mean?

What exactly is a XLZTT?

But the biggest puzzle for me is WHICH ONE IS THIS FRANKIE CHARACTER?

You English fans of this Frankie guy will love anything by this ‘God because of all the media hype. What is so special about them?

Lisa Woo, New York City, America.

Questions, questions, questions. You Americans just dont understand our quaint British customs at all.

The worship of the Gud Frankie is a time-honoured ritual dating back thousands of years, but it is only recently that He has deigned to make public His manifesto. Just think of No.1 as His bible.

Just what have you come to? First of all you put Frankie Goes To Hollywood in half the magazine, and if that wasnt bad enough Martin Townsend wrote a thoroughly untrue and unfounded review of Modern Romances new single.

Please leave such a talented, original group alone and let them get on with writing their great original songs.

Judith Gunner, Twickenham.

Yeah, ‘Everybody Salsa was pretty original, wasnt it?