ZANG TUMMM TUMB ARTICLES “the first draft of history”

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Just wanted to say how fantastic your mag is! I love Culture Club and Boy George. Thanks for putting so much in No.1 about them. The articles are really good. Please keep them coming. Thanks a lot.

Clair, Auckland, New Zealand.

How sweet. A nice, friendly little letter to lull you all into a false sense of well being before the nasty but interesting stuff gets going.

To Mark OToole

Mark you are my No. 1

Sos Paul and Holly

But youre more fun.

I love you so, I cant deny

You have such lovely sparkling eyes

I have all your records

12 inchers too,

Carnage versions, ooh!

Mark I think youre really hunky.

Love, Marks Earring, Peterborough, Cambs.

We showed your poem to Ted Hughes, so called Poet Laureate, and believe us he was really quaking in his green wellies.

Just like to say thanks to Frankie vor the most fab concert ever (December 22). My mate and I were right at the front and they really teased us.

Holly: you are my fave. The most gorgeous person Ive ever seen.

Paul: You really area master dancer (youve got a gorgeous body).

Mark: Those kecks you wore for the concert do loads for yer and for me too.

Nash: Thanks for throwing orange all over me, it was lovely.

Ped: Keep on grinning, it suits ya.

Nice one, people!!!

The Two Frankies, Liverpool.

Nothing like being covered in sticky orange, is there?

In your recent interview with Tony Hadley and John Taylor they discussed amongst other things, the miners strike. While commiserating with their cause, Mr Hadley stated that “it was wrong of them not to have a national ballot”.

But they did hold one, the result of which was that, should the Coal Board threaten to close 20 pits with the loss of some 20,000 jobs (as they are now doing) then the majority would be willing to strike.

He also stated that the strike has become a “personal issue” between Arthur Scargill and Ian MacGregor. This is only what the Tory-based media would like us to believe.

I was surprised that John Taylor had also been so easily indoctrinated, especially as he is one person always advising us not to believe what we read in the press. The miners are striking to save their livelihoods, but then I suppose someone as well off and detached from reality as John Taylor wouldnt understand this.

A Striking Miners Supporter, London, NW1.

Dearest Tony,

This letter is from the blonde with the blue dress at the December 23 Spandau concert in Bournemouth. I came all the way from Belgium just to see your group but before the concert I wondered why all the girls were crazy over you and not over gorgeous Martin or Gary.

But now, whenever I meet a girl who has fallen for Tony Hadley, I admire their wisdom and taste. You made the blisters on my feet and calluses on my hands worth every penny.

Thank you for treating me so special! I felt the luckiest girl in that whole anonymous crowd. Youre a sweet dear and beat airhead Martin and cold Gary anyday.

A Fellow Gemini, Pagan, Belgium.

Blisters! Calluses! Why didnt you catch the ferry like everyone else, you daft haporth?

Why not have something on The Hollies once in a while? Theyre still around, you know.

But keep up the good work. I loved Frankie in America!

Shavia, Muscat, Oman.

Fraid youve been misinformed, Hollys now lead singer with FGTH.

Id like to comment on the results of I the No.1 readers poll. Why do the same groups get to the top every year? Wham, Duran, Culture Club, Spandau Ballet.

I for one would like to see newcomers in their place — eg Bluebells, Lloyd Cole, The Smiths, Echo And The Bunnymen and Everything But The Girl.

My wally of the year would be a tie between George Michael, Simon Le Bon, Gary Kemp and Boy George.

A Morrissey Fan Who Doesnt Like People Who Slag Him Off.

This looks suspiciously like Johnny Marrs practised scrawl.

Is this a pretty sight or not? Various No.1 staffers in a state not a million miles removed from total inebriation play pass the parcel at the office party while George Michael (centre) struggles to get to the exit.

I must say I was very disappointed I with your Christmas issue. It was alright as opposed to being completely good.

Did you do an article on George Michael? No! Did we see snapshots of the office party? No!

I was looking forward to seeing you lot drunk, though I am informed it is not a pretty sight.

Id love to know what you lot look like.

The White Polish That George Michael Puts On His Teeth.

Dont just bottle it up! If youve got a message for your loathed one, stick it on a piece of paper and send it to Poison Arrow, No.1, Room 304, Commonwealth House, 1–19 New Oxford Street, London WC1A 1NG.

Tina Turner the sexiest granny around? Who are these males that chase after this tasteless bit of leatherclad skirt? Or whatever it is she wears. You couldnt call those skimpy pieces of material she drapes around her middle a skirt!

What do men find attractive about her, this old age pensioner? What does she have that other females dont? Perhaps its her flea-infested rug hair-do or the six inches of polyfilla she plasters on her face.

She cant sing and she looks terrible. Come on, dear, quit the pop scene and take up knitting, ‘cos anything would be better than your constipated parrot-like screeching.

Jill & Wilson, Powys, Wales.

Maybe the chasing males like her personality? Her homemade lemonade? Her fudge brownies? The skimpy pieces of material she drapes around her middle?

This weeks random readers chart and winner of a £5 record token.

  2. THE RIDDLE Nik Kershaw.
  4. VALOTTE Julian Lennon.

Mishelle Lawrie. Dunmurry. Belfast.

This weeks coupon is on page 14.