ZANG TUMMM TUMB ARTICLES “the first draft of history”

The day I saw Santa blotto in the grotto

When did you first realise Father Christmas wasnt quite right? When you woke to find your dad stumbling through the darkness wrapped in a red dressing gown? Or when you noticed that the jovial chap in your local Santas grotto was sporting a white beard made of cotton wool?

Funny how many popstars had the same sort of experiences…

PED (FRANKIE GOES TO HOLLYWOOD): “He doesnt exist does he? I saw me mum kiss me auld fella once when he had the red gear on, but it was obviously still the auld fella, cos he was pissed as a rat.”