ZANG TUMMM TUMB ARTICLES “the first draft of history”

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No wonder that stupid Frankie Goes To Hollywood have managed to get two No.1s. Its because of their ridiculous name!

Throughout history it seems that having a silly title is enough to gain a group fame — remember The Beatles? All the big groups have to be called something clever, obscure or just plain surreal. Who, or what, is an Abba? Could you go into a supermarket and ask for a Duran Duran?

No matter, having guessed this clever little scheme I am now prepared to take advantage of it. Ive just formed a group called Walloo and well be releasing a record soon called ‘Blat.

With a name like that weve got to have a No.1!

James Dean, Stockport.

In anticipation of your first royalty heres a £5 record token.

Why doesnt Holly Johnson just shut up his fat mouth. Every time I see Frankie on TV hes got his gob wide open going “Aaaooww-aaaooww, lets go” etc.

Oh, theyre really good lyrics, Holly. I do hope you didnt spend to much time away from counting your money to write them.

Tell you what, Hol, take yourself, take your mate Paul, take Nash, Mark and Ped, and go and jump in the nearest lake now. Cmon, lets go!

Simons Bidding, Cornwall.

To Adele Bedford. You are obviously in need of psychiatric help. You are also a terminal wally (see also Mike Read). I saw FGTHs video for ‘Two Tribes and if you were offended then you are definitely a prude because the violence was minimal compared to some TV programmes or films.

You are silly to think that if we ignore the threat of nuclear war it will go away. Hopefully the video will make young people who hadnt thought about the subject do so.

Malibu Myra, Troon, Scotland.

Either that or make Frankie another million!

I just thought Id point out that the BBC had an awful nerve in banning Frankies ‘Relax video because of its ‘pornography.

George Michael seems to be getting away with a lot more than a ‘Careless Whisper in his video.

Deborah Lewis. Hereford.